I love Christmas. On account of because of the presents. Chickity check it:

I had another of those San Francisco moments yesterday. Well, the whole day was quintessential San Francisco, from brunch with the gays to the gorgeous views from atop one of the city's innumerable crazy ass hills to drinks with the gays in the center of the gay universe.

But the real San Francisco moment began after drinks, while three of us were waiting for the old-fashioned F Market streetcar to stop taunting us and actually start moving. This seemingly normal woman approached and asked (without even saying "hi" - how rude), "What do you call a deep-fried Santa? Crispy Kringle." Then she quickly realized the word crispy didn't begin with a k, she cursed old age for stealing her ability to spell and she said something about the KKK - I'm not sure what.

At this point I wasn't sure whether she was batshit crazy or just a Berkeley-style eccentric. But once she sat down next to us on the train and started talking about her HOME PLANET of Zontar, I realized she was truly special.

She taught me many things. She taught me that there are two Zontars - Zontar 1 and Zontar 2 -- and she taught me that new pal Todd is one of the greatest straight-faced bullshitters of all time. I'm pretty good at lying to someone's face, but I was in awe of his ability to engage her in crazy talk. At one point he was doing his gay snapping and the woman, Anna, laughed and asked, "Why are you doing the castanets. Without a moment's hesitation Todd said, "I was a flamenco dancer in Buenos Aires in my last life."

Don't you know, Anna was just dying to hear all about that.

This is my new favorite video:

Kathy Griffin talks so much more smack live than on TV; it's amazing. Among the celebrities she dished on last night at the Warfield:

Star Jones - Upon being canned from "The View" she apparently told Barbara Walters, "I don't care who replaces me as long as it's not Kathy or Rosie."

Star's gay husband, Al - "He is so gay when he walks by you hear snapping."

Ryan Seacrest - "Tell that bitch he can suck it."

Clay Gaiken - "I don't know if he's gay. But I know he likes to sing Celine songs. And he likes cock."

Michael Richards - "If I were him I'd get my ass into rehab so fast. I don't care if there's no drug or alcohol problem. Make something up and get to rehab!"

She even took on Critical Mass and the crazy homeless people in SF. And she was on for a super long time - almost two hours nonstop. Kick-ass performer.

Ernie turned 30 and a veritable gaggle of adoring fans trekked to the Richmond to get him as drunk as it is possible for him to get and to keep him in front of the karaoke machine for as long as possible. The music stopped long enough for Ernie to blow out candles on two cakes (man, Ernie so old he need two damn cakes to hold all them candles - what!). Here's a video of that. Among the things to pay attention to: Something caught on fire on the cake MJ is holding. Also, who's busting out the harmony to the birfday song and showing off a strong vibrato? Oh yeah, that would be moi.

(As always, this is very dark. Deal with it.)

This is pretty freaking rad. I have no idea where the "Thomas" came from, but the East Bay Express has embraced my Silly Putty Jesus.

It's official: Babies singing about poop is HIGHLARIOUS.

Exhibit A. (The Mariah/Christina hand waving kills me.)

Exhibit B: